confusedWe had moved in as sisters. I honestly considered them my sisters and trusted them with my heart. I feel like I am now cut out of the majority of household life and that my trust in them has been betrayed. I am also frustrated taht they cannot seem to see my point of view and that they do not understand why this situation might concievably make me uncomfortable.
I was hoping that the trip to Atlanta would have a calming effect on my position and I would be able to reboot into a point of view that would be more helpful than hurtful. As usual, I failed on that aspect. My heart has been broken, I feel betrayed and yet it is still someohow my fault that I feel this way. I no longer feel like I can relate to them as sisters. I feel cut off.
We have decided taht I need to start back at square one and restart as roommates. The trust needs to be rebuilt. The love needs to be reconnected with the new relationship figured in. I hate feeling alone in a house that I used to feel included in.
I think its because they didnt understand taht there was a third person in the sisterhood that might have been effected by their actions or that she might take things so personally.
I still love them as friends. they are wonderful people and I hold no ill will against them (although, that may not be clear to them at this point (they think im "insane" over this), i just wish things could be as they were, I dont understand why they felt they needed to hook up. I feel as though somehow my sistership was not good enough. Of course, from their point of view, nothing changed, and they dont understand why i feel this way. Lots of tears have been shed over this issue (sadly, most of them mine). I feels as though its as if they dont understand that their actions really do have reprecussions on other people (and that though they may have not felt awkward in a similar situation, they dont understand that I do.).
So, we start from a new begining. I had sisters. I lost them. I am now living with very good friends that recently hooked up and needed a roommate to help with the bills.
I want to reiterate that I hold them no ill will and I do not want to seem like I am attacking. If it does, I apologize. I just needed to get all of this down and out of my head to clear it so i can move on in the new situation.
