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Crossroads

I find myself at a weird point in my life.

When I was younger, I was amazed that women would voluntarily give up their jobs, uproot their families, all for the sake of a husband's new job. I remember thinking to myself, I would NEVER do something like that! (Of course, I never really saw myself marrying anyone either...so...)

Now, here I am and I will be leaving the best, most comfortable, fun job I have ever had to follow my husband as he begins the next major step in his career. I feel a little lost. We have been discussing what to take, what we can fit in the new apartment, etc. Now, for those that have seen any house or apartment I have ever lived in will know that my book collection can nearly rival some small bookstores. I love those books. I have been collecting them for decades. I love the look of full bookshelves lining the walls. I will miss them terribly. I have no idea what we are going to do with them. :(

I also see myself on the precipice of a new great adventure as my husband and I begin to think about having a family. I have no idea what kind of a mother I will be. Fortunately, I have an amazing partner who is patient and willing to work with my depression and doubts as we work together towards this goal.

I have no idea if I will be able to find a job. I have seen some available in my field, but they tend to come and go much faster than I expect. I think I am pretty much at the top of my field where I am, but where I am going I have much much more competition. Am I ready for that? Will the question answer itself as I may only be in the job market for a year or so? (Husband makes much more than I do and we both agree that a stay-at-home parent is in the best interest of the potential children.)

I hate being stalled at a crossroads, just waiting for time to pass until the light turns green and I can safely speed away into my next life stage.

BTW - anyone want to buy a house in Melbourne, FL?

Comments

( 11 Tummy Rubs — Pet Angela? )
semyaza
Dec. 21st, 2010 10:55 pm (UTC)
Could you put the books etc in storage?
jennielf
Dec. 21st, 2010 11:25 pm (UTC)
We have talked about that, but we have no idea when, if ever, we will be able to get them out of storage. Also, the budget for the next year (or at least until we sell the house) is not very flexible. And monthly storage units are not cheap, especially climate controlled ones. :(
semyaza
Dec. 21st, 2010 11:41 pm (UTC)
It's difficult when you don't have a timeframe. I've stored stuff twice, once for a year and once for five months, both times with moving companies rather than self-store. The monthly storage wasn't bad but the insurance really added up.
jennielf
Dec. 22nd, 2010 05:24 am (UTC)
I think the solution may be to condense and create a "core" collection that can be expanded if desired later. I have included a picture in another comment of about 2/3 of the collection.

I will miss my books. But maybe 1/3 to a half is better than no books at all?
semyaza
Dec. 22nd, 2010 05:44 am (UTC)
Your bookshelves are quite shallow, otherwise I'd suggest two layers deep with paperbacks stacked on top. I don't like to stack books but sometimes one must.

I've always known what my core collection is. I just moved from 1200 sq ft to 2000, so I don't need to worry about that yet, but I know which books matter most and which ones I could live without.
jennielf
Dec. 22nd, 2010 06:16 am (UTC)
Yeah, could I stack/double-layer my books? Yes. *twitch* Call me a weird purist, but I just CAN'T. I have to see the spine of each and every book on my shelves at a glance. Yeah, I'm weird. (Too much time spent in libraries as an impressionable young child?)

I have always been lucky with having enough space to keep all/most and not having to really choose. It is WELL past time to do so. The Oz collection, the Pratchett, etc are being kept. The Alien Nation novels based on the TV series from the early 90's? Probably not. Fortunately, my dad has already agreed to buy/take (he owns a used bookstore) any books that I want to get rid of.

This is a major move for me. My family is in Atlanta, his family lives here in FL. We will be on our own (so to speak) in VA. Scary but awesome times are ahead! :)
ghstlght74
Dec. 21st, 2010 11:11 pm (UTC)
Alas I wish I could afford to, but my moths are bigger than my cat unfortunately. :-(

So where are you headed to now on this new adventure?
jennielf
Dec. 21st, 2010 11:22 pm (UTC)
Northern VA. (DC suburbs)

Ah, stop and go traffic, how I have missed thee. :)
belecrivain
Dec. 22nd, 2010 03:29 am (UTC)
wow, that's a move! no wonder you're feeling unsettled. I would too.

as for the job market -- you'll see what happens. the only thing predictable about having kids and raising them is that you have no ability to predict what's going to happen. Until Sheena was born I proceeded on the assumption that I'd be going back to school fairly quickly after her arrival. Ha. You may end up feeling similarly; or you may find that you will be a better mother if you can come home and be with your child after a day's work. I've seen both approaches work well.

re the books -- I am unhelpful except to suggest an IKEA trip once you get up there.
jennielf
Dec. 22nd, 2010 03:58 am (UTC)
I love IKEA, however, the bookcases aren't really a problem.
my wall of books

It's how many bookcases can we fit in the much smaller apartment?

I think I will have to reduce my collection again to a core set and sell the rest to my dad. *shrug* we do what we must. :)
rwdrake
Dec. 22nd, 2010 03:54 pm (UTC)
And Forward, And Love
Let's begin at the beginning. I miss you and hope for your happiness.

Also, the photograph is magnificent!

Now, You and Danny have made the decision to do this, yes? This is about love and love is worth it. To have someone who simply needs you to be in order to be sustained can change a lot of perspective and quickly. It truly does do something chemical to us.

I feel your pain in culling the books. I know that pain & pain it shall be. I offer a few ideas: save the unique. If it's out of print and you can't find it, save it. Also save books where you really think "Ah! That's me in there!" You're more likely to go back to them some day. Also ,save books for young people. I could not throw away 'Tao of Pooh' if I tried.

Junk paperbacks that are still in print that you liked but don't see yourself in. They're the easiest of which to get rid.

As for You and just you... You can love Danny, agree to the move, be joyous about it, and scared as hell. You're entitled to think "My God, this is scarily like something my mother would have done."

My guess is finding the right work fit for you will take a little while longer (though N. Virginia is full of technology companies), but you'll find the right fit and someone willing to make room for you in order to have the miracles which you can make.

As for motherhood, no one knows what to expect ever. I defer to Jessica. However, I am sure of this. You, of all people, may not know what to do, but I'd bet my soul that you'll know what Not to do. For that alone I am hopeful.

Happy Solstice and go get them!
( 11 Tummy Rubs — Pet Angela? )